Episode 2: Japan
Welcome to MOONDAY CAFE a podcast that’s posted every month on the day of the full moon.
MOONDAY CAFE is devoted to the mind-expanding, mind-bending magical power of story.
Portals come in all forms.
Relationships that teach.
Relationships that heal.
Relationships that deliver us into new realms.
Staying in an environment that diminishes us
or staying with a tribe that dilutes us, over time, the deadly poison of deliberate rejection can wound deeply.
So, Dovey takes a leap.
Movement forward is always a risk, but it’s worth the shot.
While choosing a new beginning, she learns how to master just how she sees herself.
She visits a much larger world.
Come along.
Our guide is author, inspired performer, and barefoot cowgirl, Dovey Conlee.
Follow along for next month's episode: Be sure to subscribe here to the monthly emailer.
-
Episode 2: Japan
Dovey placed her unused passport on the airline ticket counter.
She showed the PanAm agent her one-way, international ticket, staring hollow-eyed as the articulated departure schedule clicked in the distance.
The agent took her pair of white Samsonite suitcases and placed baggage tags on each handle, flashed a wide smile and handed her back her passport and a boarding pass for the over-night flight to Narita Airport in Tokyo, Japan. She directed her towards the gate. Dovey was leaving Texas for the first time in her life.
At 21, she used her voice by leaving. The country.
She wasn’t where she had been.
And she wasn’t where she was going,
But..she was on her way into the future.
Her future.
The startling evacuation of Saigon had taken place just a few months prior. Now, Japan was home to more than 18,000 Marine Corps troops, one of them anxiously waiting for her arrival and Japan was still a hotbed of all US military divisions.
She met the young Lieutenant at the recruiting depot near her college a year prior. His sales pitch was textbook, but used on Dovey as a metaphoric flirtation; prove yourself, benefit from world-class training in specialized fields, see the world and receive near endless benefits: salary, housing, all meals, health care, retirement.
Barely amused by the sidewalk ‘pitch,’ she slowed her pace to study him like a bug. When he winked at her, she smiled. He walked along for a few moments, handing her his card and promising her that a career in the United States Marine Corps could be fascinating for a woman her age. She placed the card in her pocket and thanked him, picking up her pace, moving on.
Their encounter occurred a few weeks after she intentionally broke off an unhappy engagement that left her bruised. Nothing about it felt right and, in truth, the overly possessive fiancé frightened her. She didn’t feel safe and…..she was not safe. And? Above all, she could not live a lie.
Since the age of 7, when Lupe and Carlo didn’t return from Mexico one Spring, Dovey was left to find her way through a handful of stepmothers. After the sudden death of the mother she never knew, the intentional rejection from her father scored her. Deeply.
Her father was a good man, but he was a broken man in a culture that would not tolerate anything but the toughest, so he became as tough as he could about any form of love. The WWII veteran was emotionally wounded and losing his wife ruined him. A mature woman could have a brief chance at his heart, but he wanted nothing to do with the child that caused the death of his wife.
Without Lupe and Carlo, Dovey relied on the town curandera that lived across the tracks for advise and for guidance. The relationship was her touchstone. It was her ‘home’ in many ways and the Dona’s many teachings and rituals comforted her. In fact, it was the only thing that did. It was the only place she felt safe and protected.
It was her only foundation.
She learned that you barely have to change anything to change EVERYthing.
Through the secret connection with Dona Perez, she often reflected on her remembrance that she was truly here on purpose. A purpose not yet revealed.
Now, Dovey was in the vast San Francisco airport, changing planes to fly to EAST Asia, she was finally taking her life into her own hands. The EAST is the land of new beginnings and she was ready to have her own.
There were a few hours before boarding the flight, she found a restaurant with a view of the bay and a simple menu. She stared out the window at the unspeakable beauty; her life was about to change and she knew it.
The waitress generously offered to notify her when boarding would start and reminded her that she could take her time. It was a kind gesture. It gave Dovey time for reflection. It felt welcoming.
She agreed to make this flight a month ago. She had dated the Marine Lieutenant during the last semester of college.
They met again at a party hosted by a professor.
It was in the professor’s home that he shared with a wife that was a nurse. Dovey had agreed to study nursing, but found she was too tender. It was an impossible career choice forced on her by her father, who hoped to recreate the essence of his wife, but without a true understanding of just who his daughter actually was. It was a double-bind for her to fail him. Again.
The Marine noticed her across the front room and quickly
re-introduced himself. He was charming. He was fit. He was handsome and he was interested. And he was older.
The professor’s nurse-wife watched from the foyer where she greeted the guests and made her way to Dovey. She introduced the Marine as an officer ‘on loan’ to the recruiting center there by the campus. Initially, he was stationed in Japan.
The landlord that owned the building that the armed forces rented for college enlistments had introduced them at church and the Marine had become great friends with the professor.
With that ‘endorsement’ from the two of them, the evening became one delicious conversation.
It was stilted on her part for a while and then something happened. There was a softening like a hypnosis that blocked out all the other sounds in the room and she could only hear his voice and see the image of his uniform. She felt safe.
It was an odd feeling, to actually feel safe and at first, she didn’t know what to make of it. Somehow, his military mite felt intimate. It felt like he was an ally and a diplomat, giving an impression of confidence and strength. He was kind. He was an officer and a gentleman. And he was interested.
Soon after, he wooed her with horses. He was an equestrian that wished to be a cowboy; she’d grown up with cowboys that never wanted to be anything else. His seat in the saddle was good. He had been a part of a mounted calvary in the military and took well with the powerful beasts, which took her heart to places she understood. A common ground.
He arranged for trail rides and pasture rides not far, but near her campus and over time, as was his plan, she did find herself falling for this man, not a boy, but a man…. in ways that were quite comforting.
It was a vast contrast from the world she’d backed herself out of. And with little experience in love, or with love, some moments were both exciting and terrifying. She had to pace herself and he wanted to step up the pace.
He had been married before, honoring a woman that found herself pregnant after a weekend tryst. Honorably, he married her, gave their son a name and finalized the relationship with a crisp mutual ending, something not uncommon in a military career with traveling soldiers. He offered his full disclosure. It seemed honorable.
Eventually, the time came when he asked to meet her family and he was curiously puzzled to watch her blanch in some ways.
Deliberately, she put it off as long as she could, then acquiesced.
They made plans to travel together for the introduction to her father.
On arrival, the first visit was to Dona Perez, taking her rabbit tamales and asking for spiritual direction. It was a brief visit. The curandera said clearly….Dovey, you must wander. Wander far and wander wide. Go. Make haste.
When they reached the ranch, she introduced him to her horse first. Smokey had been her rock and friend and confidant. She hadn’t seen the horse in a few months, but his whinny was like a balm to her heart. They approached the barn and he reared with delight. The Marine saw the connection. He could feel the bond.
Then, after stalling, the time did come to gather at the main house. Dovey was always required to enter through the front door, making way through the wide hallway past the formal areas to reach the study where her father managed his world. He was waiting there behind his desk for her arrival.
She introduced her father to the Marine and for a moment, time stood still. The uniform helped tremendously and they spoke together as if Dovey was not in the room, which was not a problem for her. She would just as soon not have to move through the all too familiar depositions.
The hard German stepmother entered and announced that she’s prepared spaghetti for lunch and retreated to the dining room, asking for help with table setting. In the kitchen, she clobbered Dovey with questions about the Marine; how they met, what was his background, what were his intentions, why did she bring him there. Unbeknownst to her, the Marine eased into the kitchen, looking for the restroom. On his approach, the interrogations paused and he paused as well. It was a long moment of silence as he made his way through the room to find relief.
After an eerily awkward meal, Dovey was asked to clear the table and to load the dishwasher alone in the kitchen.
Her father and the stepmother had questions for the Marine, too, and Dovey could hear the murmurs from the main dining area. From the kitchen window she could see the barn and the cattle pens. How often she’d wished to escape the world she was bound to from birth.
After the clean up, she returned to join them as the Marine was standing up from his chair to welcome her, as gentlemen do. After a deep sigh, she held her shoulders high and said it was time to go. And, they did.
When inside the Marine’s black muscle car, he turned to her and asked if she was always treated this way, or was it about him. When her chin quivered and she nodded her head, he pushed further. He pushed until he got the truth: she was not welcomed in her own home, at least not like he was welcomed in his own home. She cried at the thought that someone noticed.
Two weeks later, they drove with some of his military friends to a neighboring county and bought a marriage license. The friends called a minister at a small church nearby and the Marine married Dovey, fast and furious.
It was a risk, but she was moving forward. His orders had arrived and he was being shipped back to an amphibious unit stationed in Japan. He intended for her to accompany him there.
She tidied up her life and made her plans to join him.
On the flight to Tokyo, the 747 bumped and lurched, fighting a Pacific typhoon on the 12 hour journey to Japan, finally making a safe landing at Narita International Airport.
She made her way into the main terminal to find her transport flight that would take her to the southern most tip of the country, near the Marine Corps base located on the edge of the South China Sea. The size of the airport was daunting and, although she was determined to act as if it was not overwhelming, it was transparent that she was overwhelmed.
After clearing customs and immigration, a very kind, older woman asked about her travel plans and offered to sit with her during the layover. She was from a northern province of Japan and had the warmth of an angel. The woman felt honorable and kind and asked if Dovey had ever eaten sushi before. She insisted that they snack together at a popular sushi bar in the airport, a sophisticated wonderland of sensual stimulation like she had never seen in her life.
Sushi chefs were wearing short kimonos and printed headbands. Large raw fish were chilled inside glass, counter-top shelves. Knives as sharp as razors would glide through the pink flesh of the tuna, to be wrapped in rice and seaweed, topped with orange roe that popped with every bite. The kind traveling woman taught Dovey how to remove her shoes, sit on the floor around a low table and how to order the first sushi she had ever eaten in her entire life.
When it came time for the check, the woman insisted on paying, recalling that during the Vietnam war, when she was caring for her ailing parents, a kind American soldier did the same for her at that very airport. When she tried to thank him for the meal, he replied that someday she should simply pass on the kindness to another. Dovey was the recipient of that soldier’s generous gesture as he was on his way to serve in that dreadful war.
There, in the shadow of the evacuation of Saigon, the kindness of a once drafted GI was swirling around this moment in her life like a fairy godmother’s goodness. She was astonished and comforted and felt a genuine connection with this random Japanese goddess that bowed before her as she made her own way into the crowd and off to her departing gate. It had been as if the heavens had opened up a beam of goodness upon her and she felt cared for.
When the connecting flight was boarding, Dovey noticed that only a few passengers were flying to that destination. As she took her seat on the near-empty plane, the stewardess handed her a warm cloth that was damp and she was able to wipe her face and her hands and felt refreshed as the plane made it’s way to the runway. Once in flight, the ocean’s beauty spread out before her. The shore was perfection and the water as clear as a bathtub’s.
It was a short flight, comparatively, and when she disembarked and found her luggage waiting for her, she found a transport driver that was holding a sign with her name upon it. The driver loaded her bags and drove her through the countryside past rice paddies, terraced hillsides, small villages and oxen-drawn carts that carried sugar cane. After a while, they punched through a bamboo forest to see the South China Sea spread out before them. It was like nothing she had ever seen on earth. The beauty was beyond understanding. The rugged coastline and the constellation of small calm coves were astonishing to Dovey. The car traveled along the beach for several miles before coming to its destination.
When they arrived at a small 10 room apartment building that faced the water, the driver opened the door to the office of the property and introduced her to the Mama San, or manager, of the property. There were several bows and gestures and Dovey was handed an instruction sheet of welcome notes that was written in English, since the Mama San spoke little English. Together, they walked the hallway to her apartment room.
The Mama San opened the door to show the 4 tatami mat-sized room that held a small futon bed on a platform, a low meditation-style chair, and one side table with a miniature lamp. The driver carried her luggage into the room, bowed, gratefully took his tip from Dovey’s hand and departed as fast as he arrived.
There was a counter with a sink and there was a bunsen burner to use for warming water and for cooking. There was one cup, one plate, one set of chopsticks and one pan. To the right of that was a tiled closet with a flushing toilet in the corner and a French drain in the center of the floor. A rubber hose hung down 3 feet from the ceiling that would act as a shower. There was one towel.
The far wall was all glass with sliding doors that looked out onto the ocean and there was a small balcony with two chairs. There were papaya trees laden with fruit, banana trees, palm trees and monkeys that chattered and squealed, swinging from branches like gymnasts.
There were warning signs posted regarding the dangers of the beach. Poisonous sea snakes, stinging sea wasps and an overbearing alert about the small blue-spotted octopus, so small that it could be held in a human hand, yet its bite was more deadly than a rattlesnake. It was a beautiful seashore, but it was also an illusion; lovely to look at, but traitorous to endure.
She settled in some, making a call from the front office to the ranch to let it be known she was where she was. It was a stilted conversation, but a conversation of obligation. The Mama San handed her a cup of green tea when she finished the difficult call.
Dovey returned to her room. She made herself very, very still.
There was a knock at the door. She cracked the door slightly to see who was there, then released the safety chain and opened the door wide.
The Marine stepped inside.
Want to come along? Where to listen:
